| Vitruvian Mind |
| The Man will burn! |
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Posted on October 30th, 2007 by Myk.
Categories: Travel & Leisure, Coming Events.
For those of you who don’t know what the Gumball Rally is, do you remember the movie Cannonball Run? It’s a yearly migrating automobile race starring exotic cars, exotic destinations (think Morocco to Cannes), and really rich people. VM has one crazy friend that participates in this event, but maybe there are more of you who might be interested. Here is a note on 2008 year’s race:
To celebrate Gumball 3000’s 10th Anniversary rally, in 2008 we are embarking upon creating the ultimate rally of the future from San Francisco to Beijing incorporating a true once in a lifetime (no cars) check point in North Korea !!!!!
The eight-day 3000-mile route will embrace the contrasting cultures of the east and west, whilst also uniting over 40 nationalities of participants taking part, and truly benchmarking itself at the forefront of partying, exploring, and the promotion of eco friendly transportation. 120 of the worlds most amazing vehicles will participate, and as well as the usual display of stunning super cars, the 2008 Gumball will also showcase and encourage vehicles pushing the technological boundaries to create an environmentally friendly and safer future.
Having pro actively supported the use of ‘green’ fuels for the past 4 years, highlighted by film star Daryl Hannah participating in 2005 using only 100% bio-diesel, and a Peterbilt Truck using only potato oil from San Francisco to Miami in 2003, along with numerous other bio-diesel, electric and hybrids taking part. In 2008 Gumball has made the decision to become completely carbon neutral, and will offset its complete carbon footprint made by the participating super cars and airplane transportation, as well as promoting and encouraging the use of as many environmentally friendly futuristic vehicles using fuel cells, hydrogen, batteries and other sustainable technologies.
This will be the ultimate adventure and clashes of culture, following partying in San Francisco, the rally will set off in front of millions driving via Los Angeles, San Diego and Las Vegas visiting several world renowned race tracks along the way. Then after partying in Vegas all the cars will then be flown in our Russian cargo planes to Shanghai. Whilst the drivers make their journey to North Korea’s undiscovered stunning capital, Pyongyang, to watch next years ‘Mass Games’ inside the insane May Day ‘gold plated’ 250,000 seater stadium as VIP guests of the North Korean Government. This will be a sight in itself. Though that is not all, once we get back in our drivers seats in Shanghai we will make a 2 day journey to Beijing for the 2008 Olympic Games.
Following this years accident, we’ve had a long and hard think about how to positively amend and adapt the concept of the rally without stifling its unique freedom of spirit, concept and adventurous characteristics, whilst continuing to make it ground breaking in its cultural diversity, as well as keeping its multi national and diverse demographical appeal; and of course doing what we can to make it as safe as possible, exploring numerous ways of setting up precautions that can offer both participants, sponsors and the public confidence that the odds against such an accident happening again are decreased, whilst also trying to assure that the Gumballers and fans can enjoy the individual spirit, eccentricity, glamour, fun and adventure that has become integral with Gumball over its successful nine year history.
With that in mind, I believe that we have come up with a route and concept that will be both politically, geographically and environmentally ground breaking; and as well as incorporating some of the most influential and culturally diverse cities of the world, with shorter drives and even better parties, the event will also be 100% carbon neutral, and a platform for automotive manufacturers to showcase their futuristic environmentally friendly vehicles.
Unfortunately with only 120 limited exclusive places on the grid, its going to be inevitable that many people wont be able to take part – so please inform us as soon as possible if you’d like to, so we can cater to past ‘Gumballer alumni’ before we let newcomers onto the grid. As you can imagine, this route will appeal to people all over the world that would perhaps have never thought to do a rally previously, as this will be the first time in history that members of all nations will be allowed to visit and party in North Korea!
I hope this has wet your appetite for adventure – and as mentioned more details will follow at the end of this month. The date is from 8th August 2008 – 16th August 2008. Although it’s scheduled to take place later than normal, the rally will coincide with the ‘Mass Games’ and the Beijing Olympic Games– so put your name down now if you are up for it.
The cost of the 2008 Tenth Anniversary Rally is £60,000 which includes all flights (for both you and your vehicle), 5 star Accommodation, access to race tracks on route, Access to the Mass Games, Tickets to the Olympics, North Korean Visas for all drivers, Food and Incredible parties during the period of the Rally and much much more.
Sounds amazing, no? If you’ve got the time, a supercar, and the balls you really have no excuse not to go.
Posted on October 29th, 2007 by Phil.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Consumer Products, Sports & Health.
Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught will we realize that we cannot eat money
We’ve all become accustomed to advertising weaving its way into every nook and cranny of a sports broadcast, but Fox took it to some unprecedented territory last night, i.e. talking about the fucking free taco all night as if it were on the same level of importance as the game, and then showing the players having a scripted conversation in the dugout about Taco Bell before going straight to the CEO of Taco Bell to talk about Taco Bell. WTF? Are we really supposed to believe that Royce Clayton and Coco Crisp were unknowingly chatting about the big Taco Bell “Steal a Base, Steal a Taco” farce in the dugout and the microphones just happened to catch their conversation? Come ON. Why the hell is Royce Clayton miked up anyway? He doesn’t even play. Plus, one good thing about athletes - they can’t act for shit. Clayton and Crisp both said their lines as if they were reading them off cue cards - “You know that Taco Bell is offering a free taco to every American if someone steals a base in the World Series, right? So all of America is depending on you to get a free taco!” Back to Joe and Tim - “Wow, even the players are caught up in this free taco thing, it’s really a phenomenon, and hey, wow, Chris Myers has stumbled across the CEO of Taco Bell in the stands.” At which point, Myers proceeds to give King Taco a few minutes of free airtime to tell us that yeah, it’ll be expensive, but Taco Bell is giving away free tacos because it’s good for baseball and good for America. Then Myers catapults this already worm-burning moment to a new low by himself signing off with the Taco Bell mantra - “We’re thinking outside the bun.”
The first pitch brought to us by Budweiser. The third inning brought us by Troy Aikman. The seventh-inning stretch brought to us by Nissan. “God Bless America” brought to us by The Church of the Poisoned Mind. Anal sex brought to us by vaginal sex. Jonathan Papelbon brought to us by Grey Poupon.
A World Devoid of Joy brought to us by The Prince of Darkness.
Posted on October 23rd, 2007 by Phil.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Humor & Pop Culture.
It would appear that Albus Dumbledore has a new passion other than Hogwarts – pop magician David Copperfield. The news is fanning the flames of an already raging social drama surrounding the recent “outing” of the famed wizard, and sending shock waves throughout the magic community.
Copperfield has long been known to be gay, and his long and public affair with first Siegfried and then Roy from the famed Vegas duo was a tabloid favorite for years. How he and British wizard Dumbledore met is currently uncertain, though it is thought to have been at last year’s Wiccan full moon conference.
It was only this week that Principal Dumbledore officially came out to his students. The faculty has apparently known for some time, but had agreed to keep the issue mum. Hogwarts students seem to be taking the news with mixed feelings. Commenting on the revelation, second year Griffindor House member Herbert Handking expressed concern that “now less boys are likely to sign up for Dumbledore’s sailing retreats, and he’ll probably have to stop coaching the Greco-Roman wresting team.”
Dumbledore and Copperfield have been sighted in the Cote d’Azur and the exclusive Aman resort in Bali in recent monthe, and are rumored to be settling into a new home in Scotland.
Posted on October 17th, 2007 by Orlando.
Categories: Humor & Pop Culture.
After reading Phil’s post about Al Gore having the Nobel Peace Prize thrust upon him with great force, and a number of other blog posts about the topic scattered across the web, I’ve decided that hoping for the red states to come to their senses and vote the right way in ‘08 might be a little too laissez-faire for the good of liberals like myself and the staggering majority of people with a conscience. That’s why I’ve come up with a plan. An awesome plan; an “aweplan”, if you will.
Beg the UK to take us back.
Some of you are groaning, others are thinking about how that cockney London accent you’ve perfected by watching Guy Ritchie flicks will finally pay off. Hear me out, I’ve come up with some compromises to common problems we would have when reintegrated with the land responsible for the electric motor, penicillin, electromagnets, and of course (possibly, he’s not sure himself) raging alcoholic Peter O’Toole. I’ve drafted an open letter to them, a letter which I call The Declaration of Dependence.
Dear United Kingdom/Great Britain/England,
Let me start off by saying I’m directing this letter to all three of you since I’m not exactly clear on which one of you would have the power of adopting us. You guys are well-known for scoffing at ignorance, so I’m trying my best here to make sure I meet the British standards of decency.
This letter is on behalf of approximately 49.8% of America, and while I realize it’s not quite enough of America, the 2000 election is evidence that popular vote isn’t as important as a committee of folks with “the best interest” (those quotes denote sarcasm, I know you guys have your own brand of comedy, so I’ll do my best to explain) of the American people. That is why we are forming a committee with said intentions. Let’s cut to the chase, we want back in.
I’m talking about being your “commonwealth” across the pond, paying homage to the Queen, listening to 80’s glam rock bullshit if that’s what it takes. We’re tired of the way things are headed here in the States. The war on terror/freedom/drugs/sweatervests is out of control, government trust is worse than Dick Cheney’s aim, our politicians are made of bullshit from the neck down, and our economy is as strong as Rudy Giuliani’s hairline. The Canadian dollar is worth more than ours! Seriously, CANADA.
We’re tired. We’ve had to put up with a lot from this administration, and the fact that in a time where many republicans are ready to vote anything but republican, the best the democrats could come up with is a black guy, a chick, and a Mexican is slightly demoralizing. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great, but if you take a map showing the blue and red states, it correlates directly with a map of states that hate women, blacks, and Mexicans. People wonder why Gore doesn’t run again, and frankly, I don’t have an answer to that. Who is he afraid of? That guy from TV or the cross-dressing ex-mayor of New York? Anyway, it doesn’t matter, let’s get back to discussing our interest in calling French fries chips, and chips crisps.
Let’s get one thing straight: We’re still crazy ‘ol gun ho America. When we become part of the UK it won’t be without compromises on both our parts; stipulations which will be set by us entirely, and completely non-negotiable. Below is a list of those terms, it’s in your best interest to agree to them:
- The name of your currency has to go. “Pounds”? How stupid is that? Why measure your currency in weight or force for that matter? Don’t give me the “we use metric” garbage, because even with that the pound is still universally accepted as a unit of force in the scientific world, and in your English/Imperial Units it is used as a measurement of weight. We’ll compromise and switch from U.S. units to metric units, no problem there, but the dollar stays.
- We’ll allow the royal family to remain, however, they will be required to adopt a southern drawl in the style of rural Alabama. We figure, if they inbreed like our hicks, they might as well talk the talk. The term “God Save the Queen/King” will also be banished from our official lexicon and only allowed in private functions such as churches and homes. I don’t know if you know this, but supposed preferential treatment by God for our leaders is what got us in this mess to begin with.
- England will no longer be considered a country, but a state. We’re going to be one big happy family, so none of this autonomous crap. You’ll be a state like the rest of us, and all those little provinces you’ve got set up will become counties. Also, I don’t know if we’ve got enough zip codes left so you might start having to use letters and stuff. Sorry.
- Your rugby players will have to start playing American football. I don’t particularly like it, but it seems this is a make-it-or-break-it demand from many of our constituents. Same goes for cricket guys converting to baseball. Football will also now be called soccer. I know, I know, it makes absolutely no sense, but your 60.7 million to our 300+ million get the minority vote on this.
- British music is generally better than its American counterpart, you are now required to fill in the spots of current American music superstars starting with Kanye West.
- Impose a huge tax on Scientologists. Hopefully the tax will be large enough to force them to attempt declaring independence and taking Hollywood with them. You guys are great at that, make it happen.
- All movies will have American accents. Studies show that it’s difficult to take a movie seriously when more than 3 of the lead actors have British accents, unless said movie takes place before the 18th century. These studies have taken place in my house.
- Our new name will take half of our name and half of your name. We will take United States and take United Kingdom to form the brand new nation of United Kingdom, which is completely different from the former United Kingdom since we’ve now established why the name is what it is.
- A new national holiday will be added in place of our July 4th Independence Day. It’ll simply be called The Boston Tea Party which consists of throwing away roughly 3/4 of your tea and forcing you to drink from Starbucks. Rampant consumerism is how we make money in the States, get used to it.
- Indians, Pakistani, and Mexicans will all be collectively called “Mexicans” from now on. It’s a lot easier this way, you’ll thank us later.
That’s pretty much it. We’ve got some less important stuff dealing with health care, education, rights, etc. but those can wait. I mean, they’ve been put on hold for decades here so what’s a few more years, right?
If you can agree to those terms, we would officially like to extend our acceptance of becoming the United Kingdom (not the United Kingdom.) We await your response.
Sincerely,
49.8% of America
What do you think?
I’m ready to be a little more lenient with my dental care if it means no more wacky republican nonsense.
Posted on October 15th, 2007 by Marconi.
Categories: Philosophy & Spirituality, Arts & Literature.
It has been quite a while since I have had the opportunity to offer a post on this site. I must say that I am very proud of the shape it is taking.
I would like to introduce a new book by Sir Fredrick Fingerlord, The Defiler’s Desire, that offers a contemporary spin on Marquis de Sade’s analysis of the power that desire exerts upon our psyches. With lyrical prose such as, “The end of the chase is the beginning of the end of the desire for that which was pursued,” Fingerlord takes us to a place deep inside to investigate the true meanings of our hopes and fears.
We are romanced with delightful nuggets such as ”statement” is the English translation from French énoncé (that which is enunciated or expressed). “Énoncé” means that which makes propositions, utterances, or speech acts meaningful. In this understanding, statements themselves are not propositions, utterances, or speech acts. Rather, statements create a network of rules establishing what is meaningful, and it is these rules that are the preconditions for propositions, utterances, or speech acts to have meaning.
Wow ladies and gentlemen. Go read this book.
Posted on October 13th, 2007 by Orlando.
Categories: History & Politics, Humor & Pop Culture.
Unless you say “whoring”, in which case my lame pun falls apart.
Prostitution is one of those age old traditional professions that has withstood the test of time. The test of time being, “will there still be ladies of the night providing genital-polishing services well into the future?” Obviously, the answer to that is a resounding “yes.”
Like man-boy-love and accepted hardcore public homosexuality, prostitution had a place in the past among the hearts of the populace in just about every civilization. What a glorious time it was! Mostly, I’m lying. In some civilizations, prostitutes were respected courtesans more posh than your average wealthy trophy wife, and in others they were essentially the precursors to modern day crack whores. There’s still question as to which is the better fuck, but assuming you take into account the amount of “bang for your buck”, so to speak, the lady with bruises on her arms and chicken pox scars on her neck that chain smokes more than Humphrey Bogart in his prime is likely the all-around winner. Compare it to the dollar menu.
Forget about all that for now, though. I would like to talk a little more about American prostitution and its legal status. Currently, outside of the state of Nevada — well known for its perverse gambling institution — prostitution is illegal in the United States. It’s been that way since around 1915, and we can thank the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union for that one, which incidentally is filled with more whores than the institution they were hell bent on (98% successfully) prohibiting in America. These are the same vile-drenched walking vaginas that forced the USA into prohibition, and spearheaded the War on Drugs. The War on Drugs, by the way, has been working brilliantly to ensure that drug use of every single illegal drug on the market has increased by at least fivefold, with prices dropping up to 2000% in price.
Prostitution, simply put, has no reason to be illegal. I wouldn’t use a prostitute, but I don’t necessarily have a problem with a particularly enterprising person deciding they can make some cash by rubbing up against another person. I’m not calling her a whore in the least, but when I think about the last time I slept with a girl it didn’t happen for free when you take into account the money I spent on her food, drinks, and entertainment. You can argue all you want about the intrinsic value of meaningful companionship and the difference between me buying her sustenance rather than handing her a wad of cash, but the fact that we technically bartered for sex still stands, and it’s pretty much the same all across the board. I know it’s not romantic and I know the guys are agreeing while some of the gals (read: unrealistic feminists) are ready to tear that statement down. Understand that I’m not equating women with whores when I say that, because the tables are turned more and more in this situation nowadays. I’m just showing the absurdity in outlawing the direct sale of sex. I forget exactly who said this, I believe it was George Carlin, but the saying goes “Why is it illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away?”
The answers are pretty simple: Pimps, STDs, and Christians.
Posted on October 12th, 2007 by Phil.
Categories: History & Politics, Philanthropy & Environment.
The Washington Post just about summed it up with their lead in sentence: “News of Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize was received with delight Monday across Europe, where President Bush is deeply unpopular, climate change is generally accepted as undisputed fact, and the former vice president is widely seen as a welcome anti-Bush.” Clearly the Europeans seem to have a better grasp of the reality on this one, and hopefully some folks in the Red States can try to listen up. If any of you are reading this, so that you know, Europe is that large landmass a little ways to the east of New York.
It’s really nice over there; if you haven’t, you should visit sometime. Our neighbors are not the anti-American hounds that some people like to think. Indeed, opinion polls show that Europeans generally admire America and Americans but strongly dislike Bush. That works for me.
The praise form Europe’s leaders was quick and voluminous. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown called Gore “inspirational,” and European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso said he hoped Gore’s honor would encourage world leaders to “approach this challenge even more swiftly and decisively.”
French President Nicolas Sarkozy praised Gore as “an outstanding personality” and said that “today’s fight against climate change is a determining factor for tomorrow’s peace. . . . I’m very happy that such a great American used his position to set an example.”
In Italy, Prime Minister Romano Prodi said Gore’s selection underlined the need for “everyone to combat climate change,” a statement echoed by other political leaders.
In Germany Chancellor Angela Merkel praised Fore, stating that “Like no other, Al Gore has for many years through his personal commitment contributed to heightening global awareness of the need to develop effective strategies to counter climate change.” Merkel has sought for months with limited success to persuade the Bush administration to do more about climate change under the auspices of the United Nations and the Group of Eight major industrial powers.
And in Holland, Dutchman John Noach, 69, a regular citizen, sitting in a coffee shop sipping an espresso, said that in Europe, “most reasonable people” think of Gore as “a lifeline to sanity.” Well said John, well said.
Posted on October 11th, 2007 by Myk.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Business & Finance.
A few days back Tech Crunch noted that Nine Inch Nails dropped their relationships with record labels…since then, Oasis and Jamiroquai have also joined the move away from the record industry, but the biggest announcement of all is news today that Madonna has dumped the record industry. Tech Crunch reports:
Madonna has signed a $120million deal to distribute three studio albums, promote concert tours, sell merchandise and license Madonna’s name.
Whilst the deal differs from Nine Inch Nails in that Madonna is not offering direct-to-public albums, Live Nation isn’t a record company. The deal shows that even for a world famous act, a record company is no longer required in the days of digital downloads and P2P music sharing.
The only real question now is how fast will the music industry model come tumbling down. When Radiohead led the way in offering their music directly to fans many predicted that the move was the beginning of the end; Madonna may well be the tipping point from where we will now see a flood of recording artists dumping record labels.
OK. I worked with WMG last summer (Madonna’s OLD label)–one of its most successful new media campaigns was the release of Madonna’s album a few years back. Well, looks like that game is over. Look for more artists looking to circumvent the labels and hopefully bring the cost of music down for consumers.
Posted on October 11th, 2007 by Phil.
Categories: Humor & Pop Culture.
Have any of you noticed the worldwide phenomenon of the “matched pair”? What I’m referring to here is the preponderance of pairs of females out and about where one has blonde/light hair, and the other brown/black hair. It may seem a trivial thing to notice or discuss, but be mindful of it when you’re out in public, and trust me, you’ll notice it everywhere. Perhaps its nature’s way of finding balance; a yin and yang coiffure. Perhaps it’s because diversity is more interesting. Of perhaps it’s because they are less likely to compete over men. What one girl likes the other may not, and the men that are attracted to one are less likely be attracted to the other.
Hopefully nobody sees this last observation as sexist, because to be fair, the phenomenon exists in pairs of men as well as women (think Maverick and Goose) - thought it seems to a lesser degree with men. The take away message from all of this? I’m not sure yet. Maybe there is none. Maybe this is obvious to everyone already, and I’m just late to the party. Or maybe it means that when you see a matched pair out on the town, they’ve at the very least subconsciously strategized how to maximize their collective appeal to men. If so, perhaps that means your odds are better. Only time and diligent research will tell. For now, I just like the way it looks. After all, balance is a good thing, as is choice
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Posted on October 9th, 2007 by Myk.
Categories: Travel & Leisure, Business & Finance, Sports & Health.
Just read about the Chicago Marathon this weekend. Hilarious. From AP,
[A]fter a brutally hot Chicago Marathon descended into disarray this past weekend — with hundreds of runners vomiting or collapsing and organizers forced to call off the race
Call me sadistic, but I get this impression of one guy puking, then another one losing it…then another…until hundreds of sick yuppies cover the street in vomit. Like a National Lampoon movie! :)
All this pukage has brought up the question of “whether marathons have become too all-inclusive and too focused on money.” Give me a break! If you can’t handle the run, or get heat exhaustion, it’s YOUR damn fault wimp. So marathons are “big money” now, huh? Virtually all sports are “big money” with participants, equipment suppliers, & local businesses caring more about profit than physical excellence itself. I would even say that in this case, by encouraging wimpy amateurs to run, the organizers promote the true spirit of sport (beyond high-paid athletes)–I’m certain that the “unfortunates” of the Chicago Marathon, if they practice introspection, will find that they learned more about themselves during this one pukefest than they could have hoped.
Or maybe not. But at least I’VE learned something–it’s probably best not to run 26.2 miles when it’s really hot out. Wait, I already knew that one.
