| Vitruvian Mind |
| The Man will burn! |
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Posted on February 29th, 2008 by Phil.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Humor & Pop Culture.
This week one of our trusty VM interns showed me a very interesting website - Juicy Campus (http://www.juicycampus.com/index.php) Interesting is probably not the right word though; disturbing would be a much better one.
This site covers a decent number of US Colleges and Unversities, and you can sort by your school of choice. What it then takes you to is a forum were people can post discussion threads about anthing and everything they want. The postings are anonymous, and the topics have only one commonality - ruthlessly talking trash. The site’s motto says it all - Anways Anonymous… Always Juicy…
The scary thing to me is that all postings are totally anonymous. No accountability, no need for proof of anything, no rules. People are on there calling others out (by name) for who they’re sleeping with, debating who’s the biggest drug dealer on campus, who’s family has the most money, which girls are easiest to get into bed, who’s gay an on the football team, who’s cheating, etc. Fairly intense personal stuff. As if college isn’t trying enough as it is, they’re bringing the childishness of high school politics back into the picture, and all very much in your face and very public.
The first ammendment is what it is, but praise be that they didn’t have this back in my day.
Posted on February 29th, 2008 by Glenn.
Categories: Business & Finance.
By now we have all received, at one time or another, some phony e-mail from Nigeria asking us to cash checks or claim lottery winnings. It is hard to believe that anyone could fall for these scams, but there is a sucker born every minute in cyberspace.
Recently, however, I received an amazing, fool-proof offer from Mr. James Williams, Director of Projects at the Department of Minerals & Energy in Pretoria South Africa. Unlike those other e-mail scams, this offer was received via my facsimile machine, thus proving its validity. Not only that, but it is from South Africa, so I know it is not some slipshod Nigerian scheme. I felt even more secure that Mr. Williams directed this, not to some poor hacks with e-mail accounts, but to me as “Director/CEO.” He knows I am sophisticated enough to appreciate a sound business deal.
As if I needed any more assurances of the veracity of this offer, Mr. Williams is the DIRECTOR of PROJECTS at the Department of Minerals and Energy. I am not sure what type of “Projects” or whose Department of Mineral Energy, but it sounds pretty important.
The subjects / verbs in his letter do not always match (”the actual contract cost have been paid”); articles are sometimes neglected (”re-profiling funds to tune of Twelve Million”) ; and plurals are neglected (”call me for further detail of this transaction”) but that is okay because I bet they speak a different, presumably more proper form of English in South Africa, closer to the that spoken in Great Britain.
Here’s the gist: Mr. James Williams is asking for my indulgence in re-profiling funds to tune 12,800,000 United States Dollars (US$10.2M). Now, I am not sure how $12,800,000 in US dollars is equivalent to $10,200,000 in US dollars, but I have a hunch this is a sophisticated international transaction involving complex currency conversions that are beyond my understanding.
I was also not sure what “re-profiling funds” meant, so I googled it. I found hundreds of e-mail scams using this phrase, many from Russia, some from Nigeria and even some from South Africa, but thank God none from Mr. James Williams, Director of Projects of Energetic Minerals in Pretoria.
Where did these funds come from?, I wondered. Well, Mr. James Williams put me right at ease by explaining that they were derived over time from a projected awarded to a foreign firm by his Department, and presently the actual contract cost have been paid to the original project executors (he must mean the foreign firm), which leaves the “balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principle obtained approval to remit overseas.”
So I was clear on the origin of the funds, but why would the Department of Mines and Emeralds want to remit the “balance in the tune of said amount” overseas? Again, Mr. James Williams came through, as he succinctly explained that “[k]indly pardon the used of a medium informal as this for reaching out to you to make a request of great importance to us.” That cleared it up, and no need to apologize, James Williams, for a telefax is hardly informal!
Then came the exciting part. It seems James Williams had obtained authority and approval of his partners (presumably his partners at the Department of 8 Essential Vitamins & Minerals) “to negotiate a suitable compensation” for my participation. He proposes 22.2 percent, while they get 46.6 percent “and 31.2 percent are earmarked for purposes of taxation.” I was hoping for more like 22.5% for my role in the re-profiling process, but 22.2 ain’t bad, and yup, the numbers add up to 100% - these guys are on the ball, that’s for sure.
Now, I must caution you, “this endeavor has a minimal risk factor on your part provided you treat it with utmost discretion,” so please do not pass this on to too many people, or the risk factor might increase.
Mr. James Williams left me his number too, so I know it is legit. Man, sometimes the fish just jump in the boat, opportunity knocks, and he who hesitates loses. I wish I could share my good fortune with all of you, but I really need this money to invest in an incredible pre-construction high-rise condominium going up in downtown Miami, and another in Las Vegas. By the time the buildings are finished I can flip them for huge profits!
Posted on February 28th, 2008 by Christian.
Categories: Travel & Leisure, Philanthropy & Environment, Humor & Pop Culture.
I admit it. I like paying $4 for a shot of espresso with foamed milk. I also think I know what’s best for poor people and how they can improve their lives. Yes, I love rocking out to gansta rap even though my BMW has never driven through the ghetto (I even get nervous about parking on the street in Venice Beach). In summary, I’m white.
I’ve recently come across a blog about well, people like me. It’s called Stuff White People Like, http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/, and it is devoted to… you guessed it.
Here are a couple of the more humorous excerpts:
Bottles of Water
Water seems like a fairly simple concept. You turn on the tap, put glass underneath, and drink. Sadly, it is not this simple for white people.
On the whole, they are unable to put a glass under a tap and just drink. In fact, this is such a strange concept that the city of New York had to launch a rather large PR campaign to show white people that it was possible to actually drink the water that comes out of the tap!
Up until this point, white people were consuming most of their water in the form of expensive bottles like Fiji, Aquafina and Dasanai. To this day, many white people continue to get their water in this fashion, and it is important to be aware about how your choice of water can say a lot about who you are.
Logically, you would assume that drinking the most expensive premium bottled water (Fiji and Voss) would be enough to show the world that you are too good for tap water. And a few years ago, you would have been right. But lately, advanced white people have been getting very upset about all of the waste that comes with drinking 15-20 bottles per week.
The leading edge of white people have started to use sturdier, refillable bottles. But do not assume this is from the tap. Most white people need to run their water through some sort of filter (Brita or PUR) before they put it into their bottle. This allows them to feel good about using a refillable bottle, but it also makes it more complicated, which they also like.
Previously, the gold standard was the Nalgene bottle, however recent studies have shown the plastic can leak toxins into the water. Currently, white people on the cutting edge are really into metal bottles of water with a twist cap. It is recommended that you buy one of these as soon as possible.
Having one will give you precious leverage over any white person who is drinking from a plastic bottle. “Oh bottled water? really? I mean it’s cool, but I kind of thought you cared about the earth.” If you see someone drinking a Fiji water, you do have the opportunity to go in for the kill. “Do you know that your bottle of water has a bigger carbon footprint than me? I think they were originally going to call it ‘aboriginal blood’ but that bottle was as close as they could get. You know, legally.”
Again, this should only be used in extreme situations.
Following your confrontation, the white person is likely to have a metal bottle just like yours. If this happens, there will be an implicit pact whereby they will do favors for you provided you do not tell everyone they got their bottle after you.
NOTE: whoever makes the metal bottles did not pay for the link. They just had the best pictures.
Threatening to Move to Canada
Often times, white people get frustrated with the state of their country. They do not like the President, or Congress, or the health care system, or the illegal status of Marijuana. Whenever they are presented with a situation that seems unreasonable to them, their first instinct is to threaten to move to Canada.
For example, if you are watching TV with white people and there is a piece on the news about that they do not agree with, they are likely to declare “ok, that’s it, I’m moving to Canada.”
Though they will never actually move to Canada, the act of declaring that they are willing to undertake the journey is very symbolic in white culture. It shows that their dedication to their lifestyle and beliefs are so strong, that they would consider packing up their entire lives and moving to a country that is only slightly similar to the one they live in now.
Within white culture, it is agreed upon that if Canada had better weather it would be a perfect place.
Being aware that this information can be used quite easily to gain the trust of white people. Whenever they say, “I’m moving to Canada,” you must immediately respond with “I have relatives in Canada.”
They will then expect you to tell them about how Canada has a perfect healthcare system, legalized everything, and no crime. Though not true, it will reassure them that they are making the right choice by saying they want to move there.
But be warned, they will reference you in future conversations and possibly call on you to settle disputes about Canadian tax rates. So use this advice only if you plan to do some basic research.
Note: Canadian white people threaten to move to Europe.
Note: Europeans are unable to threaten to move anywhere.
Posted on February 27th, 2008 by Glenn.
Categories: Consumer Products, Humor & Pop Culture.
I was stuck in the omnipresent line of cars in the left lane of the MacArthur Causeway, watching other cars waiting until the last minute to squeeze into the left lane to get onto the Alton Road ramp. As I sat staring at the Range Rover in front of me, I could not help wondering what the hell these stick figures were doing there on the huge rear window. Sure, I’d seen them for years, but never understood what they are doing on every SUV, Minivan, and Volvo in America. You know what I am referring to, these stickers representing parents, children, babies, and pets; a mother in her tennis dress and father in a business suit or golf pants, a little boy with a soccer ball and a little girl with a doll, babies, plus a dog or cat. Somebody is making a ton of money coming up with this shit and I want in on it.
I just do not understand this fad or the appeal of representing each member of your family on your rear window. What happens if there is a divorce?
“Billy honey, be a good boy and get out the Exacto knife and scrape Daddy’s sticker off the back of the Caravan.” Perhaps Dad then puts stickers representing him and his younger mistress on his new Carrera.
If the parents share custody, does each one get awarded half a sticker as part of the custody proceedings? Or perhaps they swap stickers on the visitation weekends?
As I am single, maybe I should get a sticker of just one guy standing there. Maybe looking at his watch or, better yet, shrugging his shoulders with a quizzical look as if to say “what do want me to do?”
I notice the characters on the stickers are always smiling and happy. Why not crying kids and parents ignoring them while reading the paper or holding martinis in their hands?
Do them make them for gay couples too?
Do polygamists in Utah flaunt it by having all six of their wives on there?
They should make them for dysfunctional families as well, and also feature fathers in grubby tank tops with beer bellies, potheads, convicts, hookers, metal heads, pregnant teens, gangsta rappers, homeless people (special adapter kit to attach to shopping carts), and surly teens smoking cigarettes or with strange piercings.
Come to think of it, if it hasn’t been done yet, I am going into business making spoof stickers with all sorts of characters like those described above. Look for them on eBay soon.
Posted on February 26th, 2008 by Alesha.
Categories: Humor & Pop Culture, Storytelling.
With your host and femme fatale “Cocoa” -
It seems that in my history with straight men there is a lack of intelligence and compassion in the areas of loving their mates. I decided years ago after a small vacation of 2 years in Ibiza that I should put the drugs down, get off the table and put my knowledge out there in the world for all to use and take careful advantage. There are many languages for love and when it comes down to it, I believe lesbians are the true leaders in understanding both the feminine and masculine sides of love. Now, I have been intimate with men and women and feel a great connection with those individuals that show compassion and understanding more than what package they happen to ‘come with’!
So, I have created this opportunity to keep an open forum for young men everywhere on how to show and share love.
Text or Call Ms. Cocoa toll-free at 866-LEZ-LOVE or 866-530-5683
All consultation is confidential, unless it’s hysterical and would make other people laugh. Phone calls may be monitored and recorded for customer care and possible blackmail. Blogging is cheaper. For a recording of your session a minimal fee of 35 US dollars with be billed to you, or my brother will come and kick your ass.
Posted on February 25th, 2008 by Phil.
Categories: Sports & Health, Humor & Pop Culture.
My partner in crime Myk relayed this phrase to me last week after reading something to that effect in the latest Economist, and I have to say, it’s pure genius. In discussions with many friends of late, there is a common theme emerging; centered around a new appreciation for a warm comfy bed and a good night’s rest - solo.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but sleep can sometimes be even more satisfying. Choosing between them can be a surprisingly difficult choice at times. Keep in mind, I’m not speaking strictly on my own behalf here, but am relaying my thoughts intermingled with a host of scattered comments I’ve heard recently. Put simply, a lot of people we know, come Friday and Saturday night, are making it a Blockbuster night.
Granted, most all of our friends don’t have a hard time getting someone to share their bed - so perhaps having no need to jump on the opportunity to get some action makes it easier to forgo it. In any event, the next time you’re about to mope over ending up alone in bed, maybe you should be thankful about the wonderful night of peace and quiet ahead.
Posted on February 23rd, 2008 by Glenn.
Categories: Humor & Pop Culture, Storytelling.
When I was a college senior, my roommate Don and I shared a bowl. One big, microwave-safe bowl. That was it for our bowl collection. Cereal in the morning: use the bowl. Spaghetti at night: use the bowl. Heat up a leftover slice of pizza: you get the picture. We washed it every time we were finished. While we did not extend this simplicity to flatware of cups, the system would have worked quite well.
Now, as I prepare to move from South Beach and clear out of the country, I am selling off everything or giving it away. I am amazed at how many sets of dishes, plates, glassware, silverware, and serving items I have accumulated over the years. Much of it was handed down from my grandmother to me. Items a single guy, even a relatively social and sophisticated single guy, simply will never use. Gravy boats, cheese slicers and cheese cutting boards, candy dishes, casserole plates, and some glass-ware items for which the intend use remains a mystery. But some of it I purchased to fill the kitchens and display shelves of my adult homes when I bought them.
I was just as happy with that great bowl from college. To be sure, I am not suggesting that everyone should use (and certainly not share) a single bowl. In fact, for a married couple it would be absurd. Yet, it is an interesting exercise in simplicity. Why do I need 18 forks now? Why do I need Martha Stewart’s 90 piece flatware set on sale at Macy’s?
I have never had more than 6 people over for dinner in my life. All those pieces do is pile up in the sink, the drying rack, or the dishwasher. From another glance, take a look at typical American weddings. We register for sets of everything to fill up our china hutches and cabinets above the sink. Breadmakers that will be used twice and forgotten, ditto on the fondue sets, cups and saucers of every shape and size, serving spoons, ladles, griddles, casserole dishes, pizza pans, jelly roll pans, and don’t forget the gravy boats!
All of these accouterments of the perceived fully equipped kitchen are fine, but I am happy with a simplified life. I remember wistfully the days where I could fit all of my possessions into my Cherokee and take off on the road. Perhaps “freedom” really is just another word for “nothing left to lose” for a lot of people, but for me it is a choice right now. For every piece of furniture I sell or give away, I feel lighter, and freer.
Posted on February 22nd, 2008 by Myk.
Categories: Business & Finance, Science & Technology, Humor & Pop Culture.
From a 2006 issue of New Scientist magazine, here are some fantastic names of websites.
Firstly there is “Who Represents?”, a database of agencies for the rich and famous, the domain name of which is www.whorepresents.com. Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views: www.expertsexchange.com . Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island: www.penisland.net. Need a therapist? Try www.therapistfinder.com. And if you want to stock up on bedding plants, try the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in
New South Wales, Australia: www.molestationnursery.com. The list concludes with the mythical power company www.powergenitalia.com. We say mythical, because we investigated this site back on 5 July 2003. It turned out not to be the Italian subsidiary of the UK electricity company PowerGen, but a small company in Tuscany that charged batteries. But even that, it seems, no longer has this domain name, which has been relegated to the category of urban myth. The other sites are all real.
Gosh, if we could only do something so clever with the Vitruvian theme…I could die happy. On a related note, what’s it take to get a web address that’s a real name or word these days? Every single normal 10 letter or shorter phrase is gone now on .com, .net, .org…the supply of virtual real estate is becoming increasingly tight, even as it becomes increasingly important…
Posted on February 21st, 2008 by Myk.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Philosophy & Spirituality, Arts & Literature.
Two occurences prompted this post about the talented and lovely Ms. Andrea Brook. The first is an article written about her album Chakra Beats written in Daily OM yesterday. Her music is made up of “trance-inducing beats and rhythms with soothing yoga instruction. It’s a smooth, silky ride up the seven body chakras, each track suggesting a specific form of breath, movement, and repose.” Yeah…we already knew that guys. But you CAN buy her CD from them–trust me, you need it.
The SECOND reason I thought of this piece was her sold-out 
performance at our home, Villa Diego, last night. She performed a few pieces accompanied by Bobby MacIntyre, the funkiest percussionist we’ve heard of…and even Jesse James, a local favorite came along for a couple of songs. The music was sweet, a little fire was breathed (is that grammatical?), the longbow (a 30ft harp) looked like art…so now I’ve been getting emails and calls all morning about this Andrea chick.
Even the moon agreed with her performance, and decided to take a break while Andrea shone–so how could I not write something about her on VM? Love you Andy!
UPDATE: See Picture Gallery HERE
Posted on February 21st, 2008 by Glenn.
Categories: Media & Entertainment, Science & Technology, Humor & Pop Culture.
Congratulations! You are now the 89 millionth person to create a blog!
There are small, impoverished children in Bangladesh living on rickety junks on the river who already have been in the blogosphere before you - check out www.hopetocatchfishfordinner.blogspot.com.
These guys have beaten you to the blogosphere:
We hope you enjoy your journey into the true heart of narcissism.
We totally agree that everyone else truly cares about your thoughts on the latest gossip on Brangelina, Brittany’s baby, Klingon etiquette, home remedies for the runs, the benefits of wheat grass, the Tampa Bay Bandits of the Old USFL, sponge cake recipes, NASCAR collectible decals, and growing azaleas (and that damned Delilah Show)!!
Well, I guess we are a culture of narcissists. Besides, I know some publisher out there is going to come across this blog randomly, love my prose, and decide to give me an advance on my first novel!
