Who’s with whom, Dog Shiz and the False Allure of Midnight Lesbianism?

Posted on January 30th, 2008 by Jenne.
Categories: Philosophy & Spirituality, Storytelling.

A night of Bleary Reflection

After two bottles of wine, three tall glasses of Columbian rum, and 4 hours of conversation, I just couldn’t help but to begin a journey along a rant that may or may not have been trodden before.

I’d wrapped up a long Friday evening with a group from a perspective I have not had the pleasure of partaking in some time. Dharma has driven me gladly into the environment of intelligencia and academia after years of debauchery and the superficial; however, this night I’d come home, yet a tiny bit more adjusted than my former self in these circumstances.

The group was a bunch of very talented fashion photographers and an assortment of characters related to the industry. One a photographer for Abercrombie, one- a wild card from London (who’s shot some of the hottest  models in the EU), and the other, a shooting star with a couple of covers under his belt- my good friend, who has been a mutual artistic companion and knows me as both muse and creator. Others at the soirée were a photographer’s assistant from Paris, his girlfriend, a model from LA and a makeup artist visiting Miami for a spell after two-year stint spanning New York, LA and Europe.

I preface this preface with the fact that I arrived in a state of mental disarray. I had a long week at my big girl job and was somehow agitated by the location of my friend’s new residence.  It kept wearing on me but I eventually understood why I was flush with irritation. As I sipped Columbian rum from one of the balconies of this uber-modern, super chic, yet bare bones apartment I looked out onto another building and realized it was where I spent a most unpleasant evening. This triggered me down a rabbit hole onward into the (more…)

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Shiz I learned

Posted on January 18th, 2008 by Jenne.
Categories: Philosophy & Spirituality, Humor & Pop Culture.

Every year people make resolutions to better their lives. They resolve to exercise more, to quit smoking, stop swearing, give more hugs… Well, this year I’ve made a few of those, but as I reflect on all the things I need to better in my life, I realize that I’ve learned a few things this past year or so as well.

I would like to share a few of them to spread some of the wisdom I’ve gained. If I can help educate or at least amuse just one person, then I’m off to a good start.

• Never, under any circumstance- no matter how much you’ve had to drink, how tall you are, or how fast you ran track in high school, should you ever slap a Brazilian jujitsu fighter. It doesn’t bode well for make-up sex.
• The worst times to get a tattoo (albeit most inspiring) are when you’ve found out your husband’s cheating on you, or when you’ve just been told by a palm reader (after 7 mimosas) that you are possessed by a terrible demon that’s cursed your family for the past 150 years.
• Never think that a perfume you smelled on a stripper will work for you. No matter how beguiling the scent was at 5am after two bottles of gin. It’s not the same- unless, you can find the matching body glitter.
• It can be considered relationship building when your date makes out with another person, who then makes out with you and whose date tries to make out with you also. This gets very confusing after five vodka sodas; but what the hell, sharing is caring.
• The chandelier over the bar at Rokbar is not really for illumination purposes. There are no lights in it; however it cannot be used to stable one’s self no matter how sturdily it’s affixed or how big the bouncer is standing below you. 
• Trying to bring an asshole in a club, no matter how hot you are, is pure disrespect and complete grounds to get roped. If you didn’t want him around, why would they?
• Only pay half price for a reading from a psychic who accosts you in Walgreens with the opening statement- “My yeast infection’s killing me.”  Seriously, I’m flypaper for freaks people…
• Women beat men in the “game” of love (sorry girls) and are light years ahead of them. They can play another woman like a man too, which is very bruising to the ego seeing how they’ve used your own moves against you. The term “bitches and hos” means so much more to me and “All’s fair in love and war makes so much sense now.”
• The French are not the epitome of class, especially French men, and I’ve dated half the population of them in Miami (sorry fellas.) They do stink at times, make really gross faces and aren’t as sophisticated and good in bed as the myth would lead you to believe. It’s hard to get caught up in the romance of a beach picnic when your date takes a shit in the ocean.
• Sometimes nice intentions backfire, like trying to give a homeless person digging in a dumpster a sandwich. Do not be surprised if they shout profanities at you or threaten to kick your ass. They don’t want your sandwich, even if its prosciutto and the softest buffalo mozzarella and cost $17.46. Some people are just picky eaters. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.

These are just a few of the lessons I learned last year. I hope it’s encouraged some of you to look at a time or two you’ve learned something or rose above the occasion to shine in blissful awareness or mire in shear confusion. Regardless, here’s to a new year of fantastical experiences and great memories.

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