The perfect mojito martini

Posted on April 5th, 2008 by Neal.
Categories: Food & Wine.

As an ex-bartender wandering the myriad waterholes across the globe looking for decent drink, I take particular offense at what passes for a decent mojito these days. In fact, I’m willing to bet that unless you’ve been to Son Cubano in NYC (the place I used to sling the booze), many of you have never had a truly good mojito.  So, here’s my recipe.  As the weather warms up and you’re in the mood for a great drink, try my signature mojito.  Make it yourself, enjoy it with others…

For starters, you’ll need a pint glass and a tumbler.  (For those of you that use a shaker, that’s fine too.) 

• Take one lime and gently roll it across the countertop to loosen the pulp and juice.  Cut it into eighths (that’s in half, then in half again, then in half one more time) and put 6 of the sections into the pint glass. 
• Add 4 generous teaspoons of sugar (white, not brown despite what some people say). 
• Take 2 sprigs of mint and separate the leaves from the twig.  Tear each leaf (about 10 total) in half with your fingers to expose the oils in the leaf.  Drop into the pint glass. 
• Now, grab a muddler and really mash up the mix.  Use a twisting motion with some muscle behind it.  You’re doing three things:  first, you’re dissolving the sugar in the lime juice you are releasing from the sections, second, you are really grinding the mint releasing its flavor, and third, you are using the sugar as an abrasive to scrape some of the green rind of the lime into the mix, which gives the resulting mixture a more complex citrus taste than just the lime juice. 
• After muddling for about 20 - 30 seconds (don’t overdo it), add lots of ice.  The pint glass should basically be ¾ full of ice at this point. 
• Add 5 shots of rum (that’s a generous 15 count if you’re using a speed pour).  Now some people think that you are best using a latin American rum such as Pitu or similar.  My belief is that if you can get your hands on some real Cuban rum, great.  But otherwise, use Bacardi silver or something similarly distilled.  It’s light tasting and doesn’t have the impurities that some of the more “authentic” rums have. 
• Add 1.5 ounces of soda water, and finally the secret ingredient, a splash of orange juice.  The cup should basically be full at this point. 
• Put the tumbler on top and shake it vigorously for about 15 seconds.  What you’re doing here is smashing the ice cubes chilling everything, mixing the ingredients thoroughly, and dissolving as much of the sugar as you can into the icy mix.  If you do it right, the ice cubes should be shattered and the lime rinds and pulverized mint should be evenly distributed throughout the mix. 

Now, strain it into 2 martini glasses.  Why not leave the chunks in like every restaurant does and serve in a rocks glass?  A few reasons.  First, it’s impossible to dissolve all the sugar and you don’t want the syrupy mess in the bottom of your glass making the drink heavy, it should be light.  Second, as crushed limes sit in water or alcohol, the white part begins to leech into the drink.  The white part, unlike the green outside and juicy pulp, is really bitter.  So if it takes you more than 10 minutes to finish your drink, leaving the limes in will make it bitter.  And finally, you don’t want any ice to melt into your drink.  Garnish with a sprig of mint, and stalk of sugar cane. Or for a little more kick, some slices of fresh ginger.  Enjoy.

1 comment.

Anyone else sick of chicken soup?

Posted on April 9th, 2007 by Neal.
Categories: Philosophy & Spirituality, Food & Wine, Arts & Literature.

I’m a fairly happy person, who still enjoys tales of inspiration from time to time. But enough is enough people, all this Chicken Soup for the Soul bullshit has got to stop. Here’s a short sampling of what is currently available for you in your local bookstore

• Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Your Dreams
• Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul - 101 Stories of Changes, Choices
• Chicken Soup for the Girl’s Soul: Real Stories by Real Girls About Real Stuff
• Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Tough Stuff: Stories of Tough Times and Lessons Learned
• Chicken Soup for the Couple’s Soul

I kid you not, there are over 50 titles in this series. Are we all really this messed up? Can there really be a market out there for 3 separate books, Chicken Soup for Cat lovers, Chicken Soup for dog lovers, and Chicken Soup for cat and dog lovers? Do any of us really care how these psychos feel anyway? And are prisons across America really full of weeping pedophiles reading Chicken soup for the Prisoner’s soul? Or are they reading Chicken Soup for the Kid’s Soul as a strategy guide. And should fat people really be spending their time reading Chicken Soup for the Dieter’s Soul. If they’re not on the treadmill while they’re reading it, I think not. And what on God’s earth are people doing reading Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, shouldn’t they be out crusading – there’s much work to be done. And let me tell you, if some jackass is wasting his time reading Chicken Soup for the Entrepreneur’s Soul, he doesn’t have the stuff (I vaguely recall something about an ice cream glove.)Perhaps Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul would have been useful on the Titanic as a flotation device, but it has no place on my bookshelf.

The fact of the matter is that happiness doesn’t come from reading books. It comes from years and years of serious alcohol abuse. So if you’re in need of liquid food, forget your daily dose of Chicken Soup and focus more on shots like Oatmeal cookies (Goldschlager and Bailey’s), Peanut butter and Jelly (Chambord and Frangelico), Carrot Cake (Bailey’s Irish Cream, Butterscotch Schnapps, and Goldschlager), or a toffee apple (apricot brandy, butterscotch liqueur, and Apple Sourz). And if the nourishment you seek is more spiritual than physical, there isn’t a problem I’ve seen yet that hasn’t been solved by the Three Wise Men (equal parts Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, and Jose Cuervo). Let’s face it – Chicken soup is for pussies

1 comment.

Greatness in all its Glory – Part 1

Posted on February 12th, 2007 by Neal.
Categories: Philosophy & Spirituality, Arts & Literature.

Greatness is given to those who wait for their true calling to reveal itself; and more importantly those who accept that which is revealed to them. The following is an excerpt from a book about a man who embraced his destiny in all its debauchery, a man who millions have tried to emulate, but failed:

“Fact is, children are bombarded with all kinds of influences, and it’s nearly impossible to tell which ones had which effect… I think what’s actually going on is that childhood is like an allergy test for talent. If you’ve ever been tested for allergies, you know the doctor rubs your skin with hundreds of different substances until one of them raises a welt. In the same way, a kid comes across hundreds of opportunities to uncover some latent talent until one of them hits, and then his course in life starts to take on some direction. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when a seventh grader is six feet tall and can dribble a basketball blindfolded with either hand…Sometimes it’s not so obvious, as in my case. I could climb trees like a monkey and take apart all kinds of machines and put them back together; there was little that frightened me and I could keep my mouth shut while listening. But so what? How did those things add up to a career?”

Let me pause here briefly since I would like to reiterate that many of us have felt this way. We know, somewhat, our strengths—but we struggle to find a purpose for them.  Bill Mason continues,

“It wasn’t until I went out and tried to steal something that I realized what my odd collection of skills might be good for.”

- Confessions of a Master Jewel Thief

Let me now reveal that Bill Mason is a real person, and is still the most successful cat burglar & jewelry thief in the world. Perhaps I secretly envy his career choice, but I openly applaud his decision to take the abilities and skills endowed to him by nature and apply them to his passion. It takes a certain kind of greatness to first uncover and then develop whatever strange skills we might possess - even if that lands us in the circus. Especially if it lands us in the circus.

Next week in the greatness series: The importance of chewing with your mouth closed: lessons from Genghis Khan